Wife on the (Side)Line: Priorities

Being the wife of a coach is hard enough (sometimes I think they should add me to the payroll!). Top that with job #1: MOM, plus whatever you do outside of the home to earn money, and some nights you might feel like I do; like you work THREE full-time jobs at about 160 total working hours a week. My kids are 3 and 5 and we have another on the way in December. Sometimes I can’t help but think that they might feel a little neglected during Season with my busy life working full-time and Coach busy working full time along with practice, games and film. We try to time most big things for off season, but some things (for example pregnancies and, later, birthdays) do not seem to care when the Season starts or ends. I have known couples who try to time their pregnancies for off season, but more often than not babies come whenever they dang well please, as our first born did.

She was due on Halloween, in the thick of Football season and, as if to prove a point, she came six weeks early, on a Tuesday in September. Games were on Saturday afternoons, with film work taking up almost the whole day on Sunday. As he gazed at his newborn daughter, my husband’s comment (always the coach) was, “At least she has good timing! Now I can still make it to the game on Saturday!” I wanted to strangle him right then and there. Here he had a brand new daughter, and one who would require tons of extra care on top of it, yet his first thought was about the Team and the upcoming game?

Proud Dad in front of the Hospital with Daughter "A"

That may have been the first time in our marriage that I felt that Football was his #1 priority. We’ve had endless debates (that’s what I’ll call them here!) about that very thing many times since then. He argues that he does it for our family, but it’s hard for me to see that through my clouded view, which consists of piling-up chores that are left undone or are postponed indefinitely during the Season). At times I’ve wondered how we’ve managed to stay married through eight football seasons. I think it’s because I’ve seen other couples where ½ consists of a coach who’ve been married 5x that long, and have managed to make it through all the bumps. Luckily for him and our marriage, our second daughter was born at full term in April… about as far away from football season as possible!

Coach and Daughter "L" - Halloween 2009

I know that each time Coach has to miss a birthday (there’ve been a couple) or other important event (he missed trick-or-treating a few years ago due to a playoff game), he’s just taking one for the team (pun, intended… I guess). Although it’s frustrating for me, trying to explain to our kids why Daddy’s not trick-or-treating with us this year, I can only imagine how hard it is for him to miss all those little moments. At times like this, I ask myself constantly: Why does he coach in the first place? Of course it’s because he loves working with the athletes and he loves the sport. But I try to remind myself of the real #1 reason that he coaches: to provide for us, his family. Every time he misses a dance recital or one of the many “firsts” our kids go through, he’s sacrificing for his family. If I can keep that in my mind, I know that every time he misses a birthday or other event (or we have to schedule it around the games!), he is doing it for us. That keeps me going with my three full-time jobs and makes me appreciate everything he does even more.